In Meus Crusta

Hello,

Sorry I've been away for a long while. I'm going though some pretty rough times and Im sorry if i haven't been responding to anyone. Don't take it personal. I just need some time alone for a while. I should be back online soon.


Until then,

Later.

Exerceo

I'm embarking on a new project.

"The 3 A.M. Epiphany"
http://zerothreeepiphany.blogspot.com/

It's a book that I bought a Barnes & Noble a few weeks back. It consists of a variety of writing exercises normally used for novelists. Though I don't plan on writing a fiction novel any time soon, I figured this might be fun. It would be even better to do it online enabling real time input from you guys. This is how the layout works.

Each exercise consists of:

1. The Category.
These are the Categories: Point of View, Images, Characters and Ways of Seeing, Women and Men, Children and Childhood, Conversation, Thought and Emotion, Biography and Autobiography (my favorite category!), Time, History, Description, Sentences-Butting up against each other, Other People's Sentences, Play and Games, Sports, Work, Humor, Travel, Internal Structure and last but not least, Exercises for Stories in Progress.
*Whew!*

2. The Assignment.
I will tell you what the assignment is as well as the assignment number and how many words it must consist of.

3. My Story.
Self explanatory...


I'll pick which Exercises I do randomly or if you own the book, You pick. Some exercises require that I complete a different assignment first. I'll try and keep these in order or I will list what post the exercise continues from. Keep in mind that I've never done anything like this. It might be a little rough at first so don't be too harsh. You'll make me cry : )


"We make out of the quarrel with others, rhetoric, but the quarrel with ourselves, poetry."

-William Butler Yeats

Scisco Mihi Quisquam

I've got nothing.

Wait, I have an Idea!

I don't say much about who I am in my posts.
I figure you guys can ask me some questions...



Doesn't have to be personal questions, could be about anything.


I'll be honest.
I Promise you...


Open for Business..... Now!

Quare Must Ego Sentio

Do you think it is possible to feel too much? I'm not talking about being sissy sensitive, either. I'm referring to Emotional Intelligence.

Emotional Intelligence is loosely defined as the ability,capacity, or skill to perceive, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others of groups. I say loosely because the actual definition is always changing.

Now, back to my original question, Do you think it is possible to feel too much??

I ask because I honestly don't believe individuals process emotional information the same way we do. We, as in the blogger community. Us bloggers deal with most of life's crowns and punishments throughout our ability to interpret and respond though writing. We respond to each other via comments, so on and so forth. You know how it works. My point is this, WE are life. Life revolves around the problems we solve, through the actions we take to mitigate, and hopefully find a solution. Sometimes, the problem is never solved and instead shoved onto someone else's lap.

Now stick with me here, I'm on to something...

In my opinion, How one reacts is a result of the persons IQ or Emotional Quotient (EQ) whichever is dominant. This reflects whether we solve problem like Albert Einstein or Jeffrey Dahmer.



Now, it time to go to sleep... I continue this tomorrow.


later

Promptus Pro Pessimus

*Author's Note*
What I'm about to share with you is very personal. Not necessarily in a bad way... It's just weird. I have only told one other person what I am about to share with you guys. I really do feel silly for allowing myself to ---. Ill get on with it already.

Ok, here we go...


I have this reoccurring vision playing in my head constantly. Its almost a little too surreal and I still I can't help but fantasize.

Zombies.... Everywhere.

I see myself living in a post-apocalyptic world overrun by zombies. Whether by fault of the T-Virus, Resident Evil style or damnation, religious style... I feel it is inevitable. You could even say that I've already begun to prepare myself.

*I'm not crazy, I assure you.*

I truly believe that I will be one of the few survivors left on the planet. Not only that, but I feel as if I'm destined to hold a leadership position or billet. Kinda like the futuristic John Connor in the Terminator movies.

Come on... I know that I'm not the only one who watches movies like Dawn of the Dead and wonders: "What would I do??" It's almost as if everything I've done to this point is because I need to be as tough and knowledgeable as possible. I have seen the chaos of war and lived though it. I truly believe I would be able to sustain myself and lead others whilst helping make important decisions to help others live another day. I also plan to go to school and earn my associates degree in paramedics and anatomy. Better understanding of the human body and how to treat injuries will also contribute to my survival. *I did not choose to be a paramedic solely on this fantasy. I fell in love with this career after watching the field medics work in combat. They inspired me so much. Besides, I love working with people!! :-)* Now back to the apocalypse... I have even outfitted my truck for such an event...



That's right... 16 gauge steel bumper/grill guard. Perfect for slaying Zombies via vehicular manslaughter!! Keeps them pieces of bone out of your radiator as well!! The truck is also equipped with a 4WD off road package which includes: Independent suspension for all 4 tires as well as an air ride system for heavy loads and towing capabilities. This here truck also has a V8 HEMI for a little more horsepower then is generally required. It still needs a little more work but I'm ready to roll if need be, And no. That is not my real license plate...



That's all! There is a little more I haven't talked about but that's the just of it. I told you I'm weird.

Just hope I never have to tell you "I TOLD YOU SO !!"


Good Night.



ej

Venatus Super

Game Over.

Shit... I don't have any more quarters. Oh well...
Inflation has caused the arcade to charge a dollar per game now. I don't think I want to keep playing anyway.
This game blows...

Life eh??

Yeah.. At least in the game I was somebody. Hero, villain.......... tormented soul seeking revenge. Doesn't matter. I simply empty a mag into whatever problem I have. Nonetheless I still feel empty. I have everything I need. Health, rations, a kick ass ride. I still haven't gotten to the part where I save the pretty blond though. Hell, will I even make it that far?? I'm running low on ammo and it seems I'm not even close..

When does the blond show up so I can finally beat this damn game.
Goon after goon goes down and still no girl...

What if...... maybe in my complete disregard for human life,
I planted one............................right between her eyes?!?

I wouldn't even know.

I would be fighting to save someone that doesn't exist.

Someone who's life I, myself, took...

Something hate allowed to happen.
All this hatred for really no reason.

Maybe I shoul---



Game Over.

Solitudo Verbera

Hello,

I understand that this on-off writing is a little off but I beg you to stick with me. If you haven't caught on yet, my occupation requires personal flexibility, Unfortunately, the free time that I do have, I spend elsewhere... If i even get free time, that is.

The last few weeks I was in sunny Twentynine palms, California. 29 Palms lays resident to the Great Mojave Desert where 115 Degrees dry is the norm. I say "dry" because I just found out, even though it is desert climate, humidity is present and makes conditions even more in hospitable than the heat alone.

For those of you who don't know about the Joshua tree (pictured above) here is a little history... the Joshua tree grows naturally in only two locations in the world. Israel and traveling into the Mojave Desert. It is said that one represents the gates of heaven and the other as the gates of hell. Israel is dubbed "The Holy Land". With that being said, I guess the hell is located in California... who would of guessed. One of the few volcanoes in the North American continent lies.... you guessed it. 29 Palms. The volcano is now labeled as "Extinct" but do we really know for sure?? Charles Manson supposedly programmed a family of murderers around this area as well.

Seems only right that we conduct our training in 29 Palms, right??


sick...

Ago Solvo Vel Intereo Ferreus

I just got back from watching the new Die Hard movie and all I have to say about it is "WOW".

Now keep in mind that just because a movie has an obscene amount of pyrotechnics and crude humor that I am so easily amused, your wrong... In fact, I'm not a real big fan of action. I hate action movies. So ignorant and pointless they are.

Seems lately like the older actors are trying to make one last comeback before being absolutely satisfied with their career thus far i.e. Stallone with Rocky and Ah-Nold with Terminator. As I'm sure your aware of, Both failed miserably. On the other hand, Bruce can still kick the ass like no other. Yeah, He is still a cocky badass.

Watch it... You won't be disappointed.

Fundo Absentis, Novus Chapter

First off, Sorry for the extended absence. I took some time off for myself... You know, one can't love another unless he learns to love and make time for himself.



Anyway, allow us to continue. Although, I kinda jumped the gun with the last post. Let me fill you in on the events that took place since my absence.


I've decided against sharing the whole prison experience with you all... for now. (April, 13th post)

Instead I would to avert your attention to today's new topic,

The extramarital affair.

Now, I've looked everywhere online trying to find an answer as to why it happens...
There is no single answer,
one does not exist.

Those of us who have had an affair, please, enlighten us with YOUR explanation.

Gettin' off the subject a little, sorry.

The pain for the unfortunate spouse, however, Is no joke...
Tormenting thoughts, heartache and unanswered questions consume the individual, take control and taint the love once held between.

The same amount of love held for the other turns into an even greater amount of hate...

Hate will destroy all if you are not strong enough to control and extinguish it from your heart.

Unfortunately, some simply choose to keep it inside as a reminder to never love again.Many, make a vow to live inside an impenetrable shell and never let anyone in.
Only problem is, the fear will evolve into hate, hate into anger and anger into fear... an endless cycle taking away the victim's life with every evolution.

I refuse to give in, I will not continue to live my life in fear and for once in my life I am going to stand my ass back up! I won't allow myself to crawl on my knees and find reasons to stay down!

I will not continue to feel sorry for myself. I'm so much better than that.

My shoulders are rolled back, My chest is out and my chin, lifted.


My wife cheated, yes, but you know what?
I say....let her make her mistakes.

I won't be around anymore to help her up anymore,
She no longer has this shoulder to cry on and this voice to comfort her,
No arms to hold her at night and no kisses to brighten her day.
She can keep her pride...

Iv'e got my heart back.

Amor Animi Arbitrio Sumitur, Non Ponitur

What do I do next?!?

I have been cheated, humiliated, and lied to.
I thought our love would never die away...

"Was he a better lover than I?", "Did he make her ....?" and the one that eats me inside... "Does she really, truly regret it all??"

I don't know...


Is it possible to take revenge without losing what's left of me??

Do I dare take that path?

Verto Cuspis

13 October 2005- ?


It happened all to fast.
I'm lost. Disoriented. Shaking...

The white lines are blurring, Headlights blinding...

My phone rings- my girlfriend- "I don't really want to answer it, do I?!?" I tell myself "It's just a distraction." I throw it out the window. It feels as if I just turned my back on the only shred of hope I had left. No worries though. I'll just turn up the music and drive...


14 October 2005- 2 p.m.

Its done. I've made up my mind...

No more. I will not go down with out a fight.
I can't hear my music any more, Gotta go faster!! Every look in the mirror sends a chill up my spine. There was only one an hour ago, now there's three? Four?
"There is now way I'm gettin' out of this. It's done! What are you running for!?! Pull ov-", I shove all weakness from my mind...


14 October 2005- 4 p.m.

Dead silence.

I look aside. I beautiful woman is staring into my eyes. Her mouth are forming words but I hear nothing. Beautiful face...

I can't hear you.
nothing.


? October 2005- ?

My wrists are cold, chromed steel. I know this feeling all too well. Somethings different though, this is not a jail cell. Its a hospital... I'm dying.

Were is my love? I'm alone...


17 October 2005- 3 a.m.


The clash of the door startles me. Nearly naked with a book in each hand. In my right I have a book titled Rules and Regulations, Camp Pendelton Base Brig. The other book is titled Holy Bible. "Interesting combination."

I toss them aside and make my way to the dull, scratched sheet of metal above the sink/toilet. "crappy makeshift mirror."

I stare into my eyes trying to find what little soul still in my body. I prepare to fight the most violent war known to man. The battlefield has been presented to me, solitary confinement. I squeeze my fists and grit my teeth.

Its going to be a long, hellish night...



Welcome home.

Sic Ego Sum Rebellis, Sic Quis?!?

I pride myself in being individual. Unfortunately, the people I work for don't really care for my individuality. I understand that unit cohesion and teamwork is our core-strength. I follow orders and adhere to their commands. I do not want to become one of them... A drone... Brainwashed... Motivated. So ignorant these people, and big-headed too. I don't even know what the real problem is... where this anger comes from.

Yeah, I acted that way once, a long-time ago. Proud to be what I am. Stand tall for our purpose. I have seen and done things that I would like to forget. I have seen this organization turn its back on the very same people who carry its colors in and out of battle. People who sacrifice everything and take nothing. I was there. I'm one of them...

Eventually my voice will be heard as well as the others who choose to rebel against the system.
Our day will come...

Long live the Corps...

Amor Est Vitae Essentia

Greetings,

Sorry for the extended absence. I've been busy getting to know my wife, again.
The extended absence has left its mark as far as bringing back individuality. It was odd trying to reconnect with each other and pick up where we left off. I'm not going to lie. Things got a little turbulent between us and the arguments have been a little intense. She loves me and I love her and nothing in this world can change that. We've grown stronger.


enough about that.

Well I'm happy to be gettin' back to the "daily grind" of the seemingly repetitive workweek... You know, the way things were before leaving...

Ahhh....... Home.

Ipsa Scientia Potestas Est

Here is a little something I found online. I would like to share it with you



I've Learned - by Omer Washington

"I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is be someone who can be loved. The rest is up to them. I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people just don't care back. I've learned that it takes years to build up trust and only seconds to destroy it. I've learned that it's not what you have in your live, but who you have in your life that counts. I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes, after that, you'd better know something.I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to the best others can do, but to the best you can do. I've learned that it's not what happens to people, it's what they do about it. I've learned that no matter how thin you slice it, there are always two sides. I've learned that you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you'll see them. I've learned that you can keep going long after you think you can't.I've learned that heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I've learned that there are people, who love you dearly, but just don't know how to show it. I've learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I've learned that true friendship continues to grow even over the longest distance same goes for true love.I've learned that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I've learned that it isn't always enough to be forgive by others, sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself. I've learned that no matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn't stop for your grief. I've learned that just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other and just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do.I've learned that sometimes you have to put the individual ahead of their actions. I've learned that two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I've learned that no matter the consequences, those who are honest with themselves get farther in life. I've learned that your life can be changed in a matter of hours when a friend cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.I've learned that writing, As well as talking, Can ease emotional pains. I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon. I've learned that it's hard to determine where to draw the line between being nice and not hurting people's feelings and standing up for what you believe. I've learned to love and be loved. I've learned."

Omer Washington



Beautiful....

Et uxor

Yes!!!

Im in Kuwait and offically in the green zone!

I have no more ammo and no more heavy body armor to break my back.


Now, If only I could get a piece of....

Ave Atque Vale

Finally,

The time has come to leave this place. Past encounters have been seared into my into my mind...

Memories of war.

But not all of my experiences were bad, there are also some that have made me smile and a little wiser.
I feel as if I've aged so much out here. I no longer asking questions about why we are here.... I answer them.

Its my turn to be the storyteller.

Aeternum Vale

Goodbye, Spacers...

I bid fairwell to the massive amount of friends who I never talked too.
So long to the broken-hearted looking for their true love...........online.
Good riddance to the underage perverts looking for a little more attention from the older perverts.
Adios to the undercover agents posing as underage perverts....
Ciao to those who live a double life as athletic, 23 year old hottie rather than to face reality as an burger-flippin' 37 year old loser.

Goodbye, Myspace, Goodbye.

Divide Et Impera

A mutiny is imminent...

The system is the problem many say. Leadership. Good leaders, Bad leaders. Unfortunatley, the latter is the majority in the company. Majority rules, I guess. There has always been tension between the "majority" and us. The tension has never been greater than now. Our doomsday clock is ticking closer and closer to midnight every day.

Us and them. B-team, The rejects, Shitbags, Long-Haired Marines, whatever you want to call us.The "leaders" have seperated from the troops and they degrade and insult rather than lead.

We smile...

I do not understand why or how people choose power and control over one's moral beliefs and self-respect. How can someone side with tyrrany?

"Easier to walk beside the devil than to stand in front of him, right?!? "

So be it... You have chosen your side and I have as well..

Some of those who once served besides us are now against us, Let not your past feelings affect what must be done...

Magnus Frater Spectat Te

"I dont know what the hell is going on... "

"I thought we had a plan. So your telling me that you don't want to get out?!? "

"Yeah. I want to stay in."

"Why, I mean, What compelled you to change your mind all of a sudden. I thought you wanted to get away from all this and raise a family... Somewhere away from the DAMN Marine Corps! So you're telling me to forget about buying the land in Texas."

"No, Im not saying to forget about it! Stop putting words into my mouth, Dammit! All Im saying is that I want to re-enlist. You Im getting promoted soon and job securi-"

"Listen to yourself _______! Do you not remember what they tried to do to us?!? This is bullshit and you know it!"

"Why is it that I support you in what you want to do but when I finally decide that I like what I do you flip the fuck out!"

"Because,________ , It didn't involve the fuckin' Marines! I though we decided that we were going to get away from all this... I don't want to be away from you anymore. Are you honestly happy away from me?!? Enough to change your mind, obviously..."

"Why would you say something like that?? That hurts..."

"Im sorry for being so blunt,_________, but this deployment is one of the hardest things ive had to endure and not because I was afraid of getting hurt or killed, It was because I was away from you... I thought you were feeling the same thing. Apparently, our time apart has somehow changed the way we feel about each oth-"

"STOP IT!"

"FINE!! DO WHAT THE FUCK YOU WANT TO DO!! I CANT CHANGE YOUR MIND,_________!! YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THAT THEY LIE!! THEY LIE TO GET YOU TO DO WHAT THEY WANT!! YOU KNOW THIS!!! FUCK!"
"Do what you want. I don't care..."

O Diem Praeclarum!

Good News!!

(no, I didn't save over 20% on my car insurance. I still overpay.)

Iv'e gotten my wedding ring back

" Oh, What a beautiful day!"

WOO HOOoooo!!!!

Malum consilium quod mutari non potest

As many times as I have traveled into the city rarely have I actually interacted with the Iraqi people. We are constantly under the impression that all Muslim people are bad and want to cause harm to the Marines and soldiers whenever we go into the city. I understand that we have to remain vigilant in order to protect lives from those who do want to hurt us but not all Iraqis are bad. As a matter of fact, they are good people. The kids are so innocent and you can't help but wave and give a candy bar or two. Just some thoughts...

Later that day, My unit was given a task that made my heart sink... We had to order a family to leave their house because it was "conflicting"our mission and it had to be destroyed. As much as we tried to fight the officer in charge and trying to talk him into taking another approach, our current route was essential to the mission. I didn't know what to do... I wanted to refuse the order but we all knew that the house was going to be demolished whether we wanted it to be or not. It was over our heads...
"A bad plan that couldn't be changed"
I had no choice, I had to comply...

Last I saw of the family, the little girl looked at me with a puzzled look on her face as if she was asking me why I wanted to take away her home. I looked away and tried to keep my eyes on the target even though my vision was beginning to blur. I didn't know what else to do...

Arduum Sane Munus

Ugh!! I hate paperwork!!!

It's 1209 in the morning and I just finished printing off like "a billion" pages of crap that I just typed up. I thought I was going to be able to skate out of this inspection.

You know... I didn't join the military to get caught behind a desk armed with a keyboard and mouse. Not to mention, there will be a freakin' general walking around the lot as well. Time to put on the clean uniforms, unscuffed boots and prepare to pucker up those ass-kissing lips Marine! Say things like; "Oh, yes sir, I love being here in Iraq!" yeah, right... "I love Iraq and I really do believe in keeping the hearts and minds of the Iraqi people!"

If you only knew...

(Excuse my venting, I'm a little tired, wired and fed-up on fighting the war on papercuts)

Office work... "A truly arduous task."

Post Bellum

A couple weeks left here in Iraq. I can't wait!!

Finally, my first tour in Iraq is nearing its end and I'm looking forward to drinking gallons of beer and eating like there's no tomorrow at the friendly neighborhood Hooters. Life will be good.

My wife and I go apartment hunting as well as furniture shopping. (which might sound a little fruity but I don't really care what you think, It's gonna be kick ass!) We will also finally be able to put some money down on land back home in Texas. The rest will go into savings so after our next deployment, my wife and I will have enough to start building our "dream house" on our land. That's also about the same time our contract expires.

She goes to college at a nearby university and I start my motorcycle technician schooling. We become rich and powerful and eventually RULE THE WORLD!!!

not really...

as you can tell, we have big dreams "After the war."

Melius Frangi Quam Flecti

Have you ever heard the proverb " It is better to break than to bend?"

Heavy stress can cause one to change...
Whether its the way the person acts, the way their thinking process functions or even the slightest change i.e. a different hairstyle, speech, or attitude.
People change sometimes for the better under stress...

Logic goes out the window and instinct dictate your next move.

The calm, civilized "you", abscond and the harsh, primal "you" makes his presence known almost always immediately.

In my case I like my "someone else." He doesn't give in as much as I normally would. He's here, now... writing furiously. The stress of "almost coming home" is keeping me edgy... Kinda like a boring movie that won't end. Point being, It Sucks, a shitload.

With him life seems easier. I'm carefree, and I revert back to the basic things in life. Unfortunately, even my "badass" has his breaking point, And its not pretty. He's gotten me into alot of trouble before. He has his weak point with leads him to snap. The woman we love. My wife...

A group of individuals once tried to separate us. Let's just say after that particular incident, I no longer wanted to see that side of me ever again. But like I said, Stress will cause someone to change, willingly or not.

Ive been able to keep myself together for about five months now... I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

So "Is it better to break than to bend?"

Only if I don't shatter...

Stercus accidit

It rained... All day.

whatever.

Looks like another year of fun... I can't wait.

Deadlines creeping closer and closer. I still have a lot of work that needed to be done today. Too bad I won't be able to work on it tomorrow. At least the inspection isn't for a couple of days...


Oh, by the way,

I lost my wedding ring today. Dropped it right into a small crevice. Pretty funny how the earth seems to spilt just enough to swallow something like that. You swear you see it open right before your eyes. And then, "ping", there goes my wedding band, the sound is still making me cringe. I feel so helpless.

But please know this, I'm gonna get it back... even if I have to tear up concrete with my bear hands!!

Shit Happens...