my.own.cure

Paralyze me inside these cold walls.

I smile and pull out this journal..
Inside these pages, I am free.

My heart bleeds love.
The love of a woman and her kiss on my lips..
Confessions of love scribbled within..

The cold, lonely desert that is my depression..
Words blurred and erased by the tears that have fallen.
The ink faded and worn..

Memoirs from the battlefield.
The journal smells of dirt and powder..
Blood on the corners and oil on the paper.

The heartache from a hate spoiled, love..
You never loved me yet, I will always love you.
Heavy hands rip this book apart..

My philosophies, the way of the world..
Life is the metaphor, living should be taken literally...
Every entry, Every letter...


This journal and my pen..
Self-medication.



ej

perfectly still

And you were there...
waiting.

I still had my chance to run.
For fear of another..

One more go..
For love,
Heartbreak,
Acceptance...

My hand was on the handle, ready to disappear.

Then you saw me,
My body frozen in the moment..
Absolute Beauty.
Your eyes....

Baby, your eyes.

I could never turn away,
And so I took you inside..

"Hi.."


ej

Film Noir II

I stare from my window. Two hundred and fifty feet above the skyline,
New York City lives beneath me.

I can feel you watching me from across the room. Study my posture.
My jet black hair, slicked back. My arms crossed behind.
Black suit, black shirt, black tie.
You begin to walk towards me, yet I do not move from my position...
Still, I wait for you to approach me.

A siren wails down below, fading away.

Your arms wrap around me from behind. Intoxicating perfume.
I do not move.
A kiss behind my ear and you slip a hand under my coat and over my heart.
Bite my neck softly..
If you knew any better, maybe I would restrain myself.
I turn to face you.
The lights are off. Only though the glow of the city do I see.
Purple lingerie... nothing less on your body.

You loosen my tie while kissing me vigorously.
Pull off my coat and unbutton my shirt.. I watch and wait.
Trace my collarbones with your tongue, feel my back tremble at your fingertips..
Kiss my shoulders.. whisper in my ear.
Pull me closer...
My hands follow the curves of your body.
I move in for my kiss but you turn away.
Tease me as I unlock the clasp of your top.
My eyes follow the bra as it falls off your body and onto the floor.
We embrace. The warmth of our naked bodies close together..
You begin to kiss my jawline...
I feel your breath on my neck.
My hair stands on end...
Your nails on the nape of my neck dig deep. Sweet pain.
Adrenaline running throughout my veins,
Fear...

I feel your teeth sink into my neck.
Sweet intense pain.
Pleasure.

I feel the blood run down my neck before . . . .

:fade into black:


ej

a winter's love

Keeping you safe and warm in my arms.
That is all the comfort I need from you...

To be loved within a world of hate and sorrow.
One could almost feel blessed.
To pour all of yourself into my heart is a risk worth all.
Under each star and streetlamp,
beneath the light of day and the moon above.

Our love so close to being lost,
Will you save us?

Lock me inside with a kiss.

With the will of your god,
May we live forever in our own heaven.
You and I...

ej

Drunk words, sober thoughts

Your intentions elude me still...

I am fallen.
Attracted to the mystery that surrounds you.
For now, I long to kiss your lips and watch you walk away from me..

I watch you closely.
Your movements speak to me louder than any word.
The language of your body, your most beautiful smile.

With all of this, I hesitate..
I am afraid.
I fear..

I'm only human.

ej

Hey there.. I know you can see me

Just a thought.
Why doesn't anyone comment anymore?

Are they that bad?
Hahaha! I know, I'm just kidding!

Come on people, gimmie a little feedback.

Its lonely here! :-P

ej

ForNever, Tonight..

Stumble blindly though the darkness around me.

I have fallen once again.
As dark and cold as before.
Moving though a black and white world,
Deep inside myself..

The touch and the voice,
Together nowhere.

Another night and with no promises.
I wish I could tell you that I love you, tonight.
You are not here, you are never here..

My hell, as bright and beautiful as ever...

ej

One kiss ago..

After all the anticipation, I kissed you..

I reached for your arm and pulled you so close to me.

I told you how I felt the best way I knew.
With a kiss.

I want to take you away.
You know I am able to.
But you're hesitant.. and you turn away from my love.
If only I could understand how you feel.

I dont know if I mean anything to you at all.
Do I dare put my heart on the line?
Heartache has become all to familiar I'm afraid..

Of all the times I have made confession to any girl, not one has changed anything at all.
I still end up broken and alone.

And with you, the risk is all the same.
I cannot be the first this time.

I need you to trust me today..

Remember our first kiss, tonight..

ej

New Chapter

Finished here..

With one away...

ej

To sit and wait on a bed of fire..

Inside, an iron heart burns red..
Stand to close and the fire cools.
Step away and I reignite.

Enveloped in the moment,
When you are with me.
Disconnected every minute spent otherwise.

What's the point??

ej

Selfish

Its not cute anymore..

I am not trash and I refuse to be thrown away by you.
That is who you are... you keep me around for your convenience..
I understand why people walk away from you.
So wrapped up in yourself.

It is not fair that I have to put my feelings aside so that I do not offend you..
If you could walk away from me so easily, you never heard a word I have spoken.
To me, you have become everyone else.

At least my friends acknowledge my presence..

Don't read me anymore..
You are not welcome here.

ej

Clear

I will always find ways to show you..

Lying in bed, I will hold you tightly.
Overnight, I will wisper these words in your ear.
Vulnerable to you, my heart rests in your hands.
Every kiss, every touch, worth every second of my life..

Yet, I will never grow weary.
One day at a time and with every moment in between.
Understanding my love for you, it will take a lifetime...

ej

Kiss your heart from within

To open up to someone is never simple.
I do want you to feel my emotion.

Love me for my faults.
Sink beneath my skin,
Take another look.

Nothing is what it seems to be,
And I, for one, am no exception to the rule...

I speak all though my art.
As absract and hypothetically written...
I would never be able to express myself if I did not hide behind these words.

So now I say to you..
Can you let go?

Smoke and mirrors, diffused and shattered.
In my arms, I'll listen to every word.

Even if not in plain sight..

ej

Walk

I can pick up the pieces. Can you?

Push me down, shut me out and leave my heart for dead. You looked back before you disappeared out of sight.

You know I loved you...
And your wrong to think that you never loved me.

So, Play your role and stick to your script, baby.

You looked back at me...
Yet, I never will.

ej